Online dating is all the rage today, but offline dating is where the magic happens (or doesn’t). This post is about action, success, mindset and reality, so straight into it…
Tip 1: Forget why you haven’t found your Perfect Partner.
It is completely irrelevant why you have not found someone special yet, and there is definitely no reason to tell your date why you think you haven’t found someone (you are probably wrong anyway). I had a gorgeous girl tell me last night that she is “probably too set in her ways…” She had just organized a fantastic get together of friends, but what is a guy to think when she says that? ”She seems great, but I’d better run!” Keep it to yourself and remember,
- you’re probably wrong
- it’s irrelevant
- it is their opinion that matters
- love changes people anyway
Tip 2: Seek Friendship First.
Love at first sight happens for sure and when it does, fantastic! But even more often, there is friendship first, respect and then love. Friendship (see What is Friendship) is about being a friend to yourself and finding common interests with the person you are with. Sometimes, these common interests are not obvious at first, so give them a chance to come out. If the conversation is not going anywhere, ask them straight out to tell you what they are passionate about. Keep digging if needed, but as soon as the flow is there, listen and see where your common interests lie and where it goes.
Tip 3: Release all Hope of Finding Love on a Date
This is really more of a trick than a tip and takes the seek friendship tip to the extreme. If you don’t hope for love, but only plan for friendship, you will be yourself and not come across needy. Needy is a real issue for many people when dating and is a blocker for many people. Here’s how
- Know you are always open for friendship
- Know you are a wonderful, respectful and valuable person who just happens to be on what some people call “a date”
- Know you have permission to be yourself, and your date has permission to be themselves.
- Smile and laugh
Tip 4: If you are open for a partner, be open all the time
I say ‘open’ rather than ‘looking’ here because looking would mean being needy, so being open is better. And for those dating over time, I mean being open for a deeper relationship. You never know when the opportunity will arise to meet someone special or to take your relationship to the next level, so be open. This doesn’t mean you always have to look you absolute best, but it does mean you want to look and act decently all the time and be ready for friendship in whatever form when it comes along.
Tip 5: Plan Offline Dates around Experiences
Dates can be tough if there is not enough to keep the momentum, so plan offline dates around experiences. Courses, travel, dancing, sports, etc are all good places to keep the momentum. Restaurant dates can one of the tougher ones early on in a relationship so I’ll use that as my example. Even dates in a restaurant can be made into experiences by having a goal. It might be to try something you have never eaten before, or try having a full meal with each course in a different restaurant (drinks, soup/entree/main/desert/coffee) – you can always stop if you find one which is too good to move on. Or recreate a meal you had once before say while travelling (presumably not with your ex…). Relationships are built on common experiences.
Tip 6: Aim to be 5% More than ‘You’ on your Offline Date
People are attracted to people who are special. I know already that you are special because you are reading this, but perhaps your date won’t see it in you. Being 5% more than ‘You’ means the true you will stand out above the day to day you. A good way is to do this is to think of some of your best qualities then keep them in mind and exaggerate them slightly on your date. If you are the quiet type, I’m sure you have qualities like thoughtful, intelligent, cleaver ideas, etc, so enhance the qualities which can be increased positively.
- 5% more enthusiastic
- 5% better listener
- 5% more energetic
- 5% more considerate
- 5% more open
- 5% more colorful (a flash of red is good for confidence)
- 5% more passionate
Tip 7: Be Non-Sexually Physical Right from the Start – with Everyone
This is a tip I picked up in Europe where people often kiss/hug when they meet (3 kisses for Switzerland, 2 in Spain, Scandinavia France, …. ). anyway, what I’ve noticed is that people get used to whatever you decide is your mode as long as it is non sexual. IE. If you always give people a kiss (or 3) or a hug or whatever, then they simply get used to it and do the same. Then it is much easier to get closer to someone on a date because they are not wondering when you are going to touch them for the first time or if that touch was sexual or not. This is really good where you have a date with other people where if you greet your friends with a hug/kiss/whatever then your date will get into the flow and not feel intimidated. Front on is best, side hugs show insecurity. Remember to keep it up a through your date – not creepy, just friendly = there is nothing wrong with putting you hand on a date’s elbow or shoulder to guide or help them sit or even steady yourself. Try building any of the following into your hello routine as a start
- A kiss on the cheek (opposite sex)
- A hug (warm, brief, non-sexual)
- A handshake followed by a pat(guys) touch (for girls) on the elbow/sholder/back as an extra show of warmth
- Something special – make it up – knock elbows, high five & hug, run around eachother or do a spin, etc
Tip 8: Be Proud of Being You and have Fun
Be yourself is timeless advice, if you are feeling nervous or down, just take a minute to remind yourself of some of you good qualities and have a good time.
These offline dating tips should see you have a good time, let me know if you have some secrets you have discovered.